How to Know If You're Flirting is Sending the Message You Want It to Send

First off, be aware that men and women interpret flirting in very different ways. Flirting is a natural behavior, to be sure, but each gender places different values on the styles of flirting.

For example, research has shown that men have a tendency to mistake friendly behavior for sexual flirting. It's not that they are stupid or deluded, but that men tend to see the world in more sexual terms than women. So ladies, if you are feeling the least bit selective---be particularly careful about the signals you send!

There's…

Flirting with Intent means you have a specific objective in mind - to get a date, to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, to find a meaningful relationship or maybe just to get laid tonight…whichever it is, you're flirting with intent.

And then there's…

Flirting for friendship is just plain fun! At this level you can flirt with more or less anyone. Exchanging admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted flirtatious banter can raise self-esteem, strengthen social bonds, and brighten any day. Flirtation at this level is harmless but beware -- to keep it at a friendship level, watch the reactions of your flirtee, making sure they don't take you too seriously. Some of the friends you flirt with have significant others, so keep it clean and have fun!

Like every other human activity, flirting is governed by a complex set of unwritten laws of etiquette. For example, most successful relationships happen between people who are roughly at the same level of attractiveness. Studies have shown that the more evenly matched partners are in their attractiveness, the more likely they are to stay together. Keep in mind that evaluating your own attractiveness may be difficult. Women tend to underestimate their attractiveness, and generally wish they were about two sizes smaller than most men prefer. Many men tend to overestimate their attractiveness. When in doubt, ask three or four honest friends to rate your level of attractiveness…hopefully, you have that many!

If you are indeed flirting with intent, don't flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest. If you have conveyed to someone that you are interested, via the "slide & settle" eye contact for example or using the old smile, cock an eyebrow and positioning your body towards them, and they still do not respond…move on!

And don't forget the "Rule of Four". Wait until you've received four separate positive signals from the object of your flirtations before you assume that he or she is truly interested in you.

New Flirting Articles

Flirting